I woke up extra early today and decided to write.

I’ve been taking a break from blogging, well actually I’ve been on a hiatus for almost 2 years now. I just find life so overwhelming these past few years. I started college and things just took off from that point. I'm currently majoring in Education, I joined a theatre production, took literature as my minor subject, attended a legit theatre play, got into filming a lil bit, managed few programmes for college, joined a tournament representing my university and being the only junior in the team, that’s a pretty big deal lol.

My social circle got bigger, well there are so many opportunities to explore out there and I can’t possibly list all of the things I’ve done. To sum it up, things have been pretty hectic and crazy — and I’m down for more. It’s actually funny to think that a few years ago, I’ve never imagined doing things that I’ve done in the past 2 years. Although I do know that I’ve always wanted to venture into the world of arts and things like that, but to actually do something about it? That’s a different thing, it gives me satisfaction. My curiosity leads me to places and I’m hungry for more. But not everything went well for me, I had some disappointments. Sometimes I cry myself to bed and so often I find myself doubting my potential and my ability to be better. My academics are average, scored only 3.48 for the first semester and 3.54 for the second semester. Not even in the dean’s list. I had self – esteem issues and because of my inability to cope with the competitive world, I get so frustrated — I hated myself. I gained good companies but also some bad ones. At some point, I got conflicted when it comes to meeting new people and I doubt genuine affection.

But that’s the thing about putting yourself out there. You gain new experiences and don’t get me wrong. Well, of course, I don’t like being disappointed but hardships make the win much more meaningful and even if you are not on the winning side, it feels good to know that you’re actually making a change in your life. All these will only work if you change your lens first. It’s scary for you because your vision is blurry, but when you change the way you see the world. Things get clearer, oh man, it’s crazy beautiful out there. It’s like standing on the peak of a mountain. You will understand more of yourself and you’ll care less about what people said about you. Why? That’s cos you’re already investing your energy, effort and thoughts into your goals. Let toxic people remove themselves. You just have to wipe off that doubt and stop making scenarios in your head that haven’t happen.

If you wanted to speak, then step out and take the mic. Sound comes out only after it’s produced. So don’t bother with the “what if”. Just do it, own it. I’m still learning, still lacking, have so many unachieved goals but hey we can learn and grow together.

p/s: I’m still constructing and redesigning my blog so it might look a lil bit messy right now, lol sorry for that. Feel free to leave comments, I'm open to suggestion and improvement! :)

That’s it for now, till then x


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