It's not midnight and yet i'm blogging which is weird. Cos deep thoughts often kicks in during midnight when it's dark and cold,and well hazy? Idk. So,recently I've been thinking about 2014 because in few days,we'll be living in the year of 2015. Wow ,amazing you and I survived through 2014. If it's a rough year for you then congratulations for being a strong human and for moving on through those shits.
Before I get started,I'd like to advise you - dear readers to ignore my grammatical sins because that would be very disturbing to your mind and soul. Okay? Okay. So,here we go~
2014 has been a rough year for me. Wouldn't lie and I'm not even kidding. Early of the year was okay except for the part that I've been having family issues. Which is actually normal for a teen tho. But it has reached the part where I no longer feel like I belong in this family,and that bond is really out of reach. I'm not saying that I blame them for making me feel so,but you know that situation where you just can't fit in anymore? Chemistry that you had with your own flesh and blood faded more likely seems like it never exist.
Not to mention the impact upon me after receiving my SPM results. Oh my. I can't put into words of how devastated I felt. After struggling,studying and all,that is all I get. The sacrifices I've made,never skipped class,never skipped extra classes,restraining myself from playing sports,staying up till AM to study. Everything,results to nothing but failure. I literally feel like a major failure. I failed my family,expectations,I failed myself and even worse,I failed my parents . Just the exact moment when I start to lose faith. I lost my faith in the existence of God. I question myself everyday about my wrecked life and what I've done to receive this storm.
Things started to get worse. I started cutting back. Razor become my weapon to heal. Blood flowing out from my skin and suicide thoughts crawls into my mind,my head. I am lost,in my own thoughts to the part where I don't even give a fuck to the thoughts of hell. Suicide. Blood. Ends the pain,at least for that moment. Yeah,deep shit.
Few months later,June,I pursued my study in Form 6 also known as HSC ( Higher School Certificate ). Things didn't get along well. I suck in my major subject,Economy. And I'm sure you can relate to friends issues which I'm not so keen to share right now. I guess it's enough to just say that I'm not in the favor of accepting new people in my life tho that's life,that's how it's supposed to be. I have 2 more semester to go in 2015,let's hope for the best shall we?
So those are some of the highlights of my 2014. Bumpy road,mountains,storms but there's always silver lining. Am I right people?
2014 taught me that no matter how hard or how difficult the challenge is,and how hard you fell,life has to go on. There are much more to see and experience in life than cutting,crying in the shower,sleepless night and self-destruction. I've learnt that sometimes goals doesn't matter but what matters is the experience and how far I've grown in order to achieve my goals. What can I say? Life is full of surprises tho a mystery yet still something to look forward to. Experiences in 2014 also taught me that not everyone likes you,and the moment you trust them,beware of the knives they're holding cos anytime can be the time you got stab. Reality my dear friends. Just stating reality. However I'm so thankful for the existence of my true friends,who have been my pillars,my counselors,my heart ,my happy pills that even distance can't separate and break our bond. I love these people,they're blessing in disguise. :')
So much to say but I just can't find the right words to construct it beautifully. 2014 is soon to be was truly a bitter sweet year,and from that I gained strength to do better in 2015. How was your 2014? Feel free to comment! :D